London 2012

Oh... I can't believe it's the Olympics in my capital city! In my life time! It is well great, but all these grumpy Londoners, being not excited about it, they are so ungrateful; it is really swell, the Olympics. Come on y'all, back the bid, get behind it. etc.

I saw a man the other day, in... er... London (in 2012) being all grumpy about the Olympics; he was.

“COMO’N” I said he wasn’t havin' any off it. “Com’on, the Olympics. Yay! All the sport and that, running, jumping, horse bothering… I expect init, the Olympics. Yeah!”

But; Nah he weren’t bovverd he was all just slumped he looked like half asleep, or pissed, slumped in a doorway being all unkempt and not bothered despite the presence of Seb Coe in the same city as him.

Makes yur sick. He couldn’t even be botherd to work, or eat, or wash, just because he was grumpy about the Olympics.

So I gave him a little nudge with me foot- nudge- like that.

“Oi the Olympics.”- Just trying to get his attention.

“Be Fucking delighted about the Olympics, mate.”

I nudged him again a bit harder “… Will you!”

Finally he piped up “Nah- I won’t be happy about the sodding Olympics, it stinks.”

“AND WHAT’S SO STINKING ABOUT IT!” I inflected.

“Coz it’s a stinking money pit with stinking people like you exploiting underfunded athletes and sports in general in order to sell fast food and cheap credit.

 It's a stinking world, there's no law and order anymore! It's a stinking world because it lets the young get on to the old, like you done. Oh, it's no world for an old man any longer. What sort of a world is it at all? Men on the moon, and men spinning around the earth, and there's not no attention paid to earthly law and order no more.”

So I nudged him again with my foot, and I nudged him and nudged him, and some of the London passers-by started helping, and we nudged him in the ribs and we nudged him in the head, repeatedly, Y’know to celebrate the Olympics, and in the end about 10 or 12 of us managed to nudge that grumpy Londoner to death.

And then we did an advert for Subway I expect.

--

Seriously I admire (some) athletes it’s about the synthesis of the mind and body. It’s the spectacle I abhor.

If they had a truly representative opening ceremony I’d watch it, it’d be good.

What they should have is just a big neon sign sponsored by McDonalds, saying "I'm Luvin it" and under that- a tramp asleep.

Then next to that a mound of shit with a pig on it in a top hat and a monocle. And sort of above that a pinstripe suited man at a desk just repeatedly writing cheques to him-self of increasing amounts. Co-signed by the tramp and the pig, which- he just forges there signatures.

Then in the middle; two hundred huge flashing signs saying Olympics 2012, bedazzling everyone, whilst the suited man quietly kicks the tramp to death and feeds it to the pig.

With the added twist of no one being let in to watch it, and instead, with everyone all being sat outside in a traffic jam.

  Still Bradley Wiggins is wonderful, shame he’s sponsored by sky.